Looking back on a mother's stand, years later

When my son was 9, he insisted on buying toys for more than the amount we had agreed on…

When my son was 9, he insisted on buying toys for more than the amount we had agreed on… We had agreed to buy the toys he and his sister chose, within a set amount. His sister picked two toys and went to the car, but he insisted on getting three, and at the time I said no. He started crying in the shop and in the street, screaming and hitting, and refused to get into the car. I stood with him in the street for about half an hour to remind him of our agreement, and I held my ground, even though I was breaking inside. I wanted so much to make him happy, but I told myself that if I gave him the extra toy he asked for, he would never keep any agreement… and he had to learn that life is not easy. In the end it passed and he accepted, though he was upset.

Now he is 18, and I still remember that day. My heart aches for him, and I find myself saying: I wish I had given in, nothing would have happened, he has turned out committed and responsible after all… So I called him and talked to him about it, and he remembers it, he has not forgotten. I told him: I am sorry if I spoiled your fun, but I was raising you with the ideas and the knowledge I had at the time, and that I believed in… I had to teach you that life involves commitment and responsibility, that life is not easy, and that you would learn this through the way I dealt with you. You had to know that getting what you want takes effort.

He interrupted me and said: don't justify yourself. It's better that you handled it that way. That was right. He did not like seeing me weak and hurting in front of him… so he tried to ease it for me, and at the same time he was convinced that what happened was for his own good. He said: if you hadn't done that, I'd still be upset and resentful about anything I couldn't have, I'd never have learned to be content…

Today, thank God, of all my children he has the strongest sense of responsibility and keeps every word he promises. He would never forget a promise he made to anyone. He is careful with his allowance and only buys what he needs, even when he has the money… very content, materially and otherwise… he does not buy something unless he feels he really "needs" it. 🎯

Not everything a child wants has to be bought. A child needs to hear "no" and to meet some frustration… their wishes are not commands to be obeyed. These frustrations are part of their emotional growth, and through them they learn how to fit into the world outside. Holding back is part of raising a child, as long as we know how to apply it: by holding back "wants", not by withholding "emotional needs".

Rasha Tawfiq

10/10/2026